I cannot fathom the wisdom of the Almighty Father. It sometimes gives me headache and even put me in a situation as if I am in a box solving my own puzzle. It wasn't so easy for me to get out from that box not until I wont be able to solve the missing puzzle. That might took sometime, but I want to make sure that I am staying in His perfect will despite the fact that I am almost dying and hurting myself.

They say, once you're still hurt with so many things, it means you aren't die of your own. But once you cannot feel anything for yourself, instead only His will then- you are matured already. How can I be on that level fast as I can? I am so tired of myself left behind. I keep on complaining and I wans't so sure if I've done the best part, so as the excellent ways. I am being pushed to my limits, tired yet still want to fight. As the process goes by, it was so hard to open another door once you're on the maze. It is indeed the hardest part of this journey maybe. I am entrusted into something I am not familiar with. It's so hard, I did try. I even put myself down which I do not do when I was still in the outside world.

I want to fight as much as I can. I want to continue as much as I can. I want to stay. Just help me Father please.. Do not put my sacrifices in vain.

I runaway on our wedding, but I marry the Almighty Father

“Well, maybe I’m not ready to get married.”

Sometimes in the middle of August of 2015, I can still recall how everybody seems so excited. I can still remember their faces seeing them as my longtime boyfriend proposed to me in front of our circle of friends. However, I left without any words after invitations have sent, reception- reserved and the honeymoon booked. It was as horrifying as ending the relationship itself: telling the guests and trying to recoup the cash. That decision of running away with him was not that easy. That was a huge decision I made. It has brought a big impact on my life and his.

I did not tell anybody my reason why I run away. You know, a bombshell announcement can also lead to interesting conversations. And nowadays, people are too judgmental. It's the reason why I wrote this article because I became too emotional about the date lately. First, I wrote this because I can say I am now emotionally ready to face all the mess I've done in the past. Second, this article will explain why it all happened.

Honestly, that experience was one of “layered grief” over our ended relationship and the public experience of calling off the wedding, most especially on his part. I mourned my losses too, as well as confused by my decision. Sometimes in 2014, I told my ex boyfriend that I have a calling coming from God and that I may end up offering my life to Him. He just laughed because he's too sure that we will end up together and not becoming a missionary. But everything changed when I runaway from him and choose my calling. Unlike any other bride who runaway on the day of their wedding, mine is different. I do not run because I have a commitment phobia. Rather, as time goes by I can feel that strong hesitation becomes great and urgent due to my calling as a missionary. I was too afraid to tell him that I can't make it on the day of the wedding because what I only have on my mind was to answer His call in my life. And it could also be so hard to tell him that I don't want to marry him anymore, sure he won't agree with my decision since everything was set.

July of 2016 when I left him without any words, for that is the only thing I can think that time due to confusions. December of 2018 when I heard about his wedding. I have chosen my path, and so him. I would like to take this chance to say sorry to everyone I've messed. If I didn't do that, I might also suffer because it is hard to say "NO" if it is the Almighty Father's calling you to offer your life to Him. I have no regrets of doing those in the past, for following Him and marrying the Almighty Father is the greatest decision I've ever made in my whole life. My life is only for Him. Praise the Almighty Father!

Are we the greatest Civilization to have ever lived?

A foolish man told me, “We are not the greatest Civilization; in fact, we are the greatest uncivilized generation.”

(credits to the rightful owner)

I was angry and began to confront that foolish man. But after some time, I began to see the meaning. And that foolish man became one of my greatest teachers.

Probably, we have the most advanced technology today. The power of the internet is unfathomable that it reaches the four corners of the earth. We can talk in real-time with all our friends and loved ones no matter where they are. We build high buildings and towers. We float into waters and seas through fancied ships. We swim underwater through submarines. We fly in the skies and the universe. We cure diseases.

Undoubtedly, technology has paved a way for information flow, economic growth, advanced communication and many others which considerably are good. However, a clearer impact can be seen and revealed at a closer look at the growing technology in human lives. Environmental problems are worsening due to the pollution, over-consumption, deforestation, use of synthetic fertilizers and chemicals on the farm, and many other practices which are attributed to technology. These problems are inevitably caused by the application of technology to the daily living.

There also arises a worsening morality of the people. It can be gleaned by the acts of people becoming more self-centered and less- selfless. These can be seen greatly in Facebook accounts posting status of oneself doing “Selfie” and other post bragging one’s looks and status in life. These are all manifestation of a world becoming less selfless and more self-centered which is not a good quality of a good community dynamic, a feature needed for a community to grow and move forward towards improvement. The power of communication has turned us ill.

We build buildings and houses but not homes. There are hundreds of thousands of people out there who do not enjoy the luxury of even having a small home. There are thousands of people that still live on the squats, bridges, and roads.

We swim underwater through submarines but only to lunch missiles. We fly to the skies not to travel but most are to drop bombs. Note that the most advanced today in terms of airships are not intended for travel but for wars. We traveled into space, according to them in search of another earth to inhabit, but in reality, just to launch satellites that can spy the whole world. Diseases have worsened. Millions died every year because of diseases.Hundreds of millions died over the years because of hunger and poverty, but billions of foods are dumped each year due to food spoilage.

In short, we have turned our generation into the greatest slaughterhouse for men, women, children and the environment. Not withstanding all of these, all these favorable and unfavorable effects of technology can be improved, in the case of the former and minimized in case of the latter’s effects by going back towards the wisdom which has always been taught by the ancients – “If we persist to befriend the world, we less likely making friend with God, The Source, the Cosmic Consciousness, and the Great Void.”

This is the common denominator taught by our ancient fathers from different religion and from different generations. The truth is that we continue to make friends with the world, and forget about the real purpose of life and being a social being. We have become more self-centered and less- loving individual for others.

So how can we call ourselves the greatest civilization?